i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize