Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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