I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
