It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize