im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize