How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
