Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
