so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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