You really coming over, don't trick.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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