I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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