i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize