they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
