In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
