she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
