How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
