Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
People in love make me want to vomit
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
