Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
