the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
