I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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