Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is Oprah even human
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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