I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
