i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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