It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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