Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
