Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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