If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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