Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
