a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize