I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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