please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
