good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
