there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
