just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
