We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
