i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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