How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
