He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
