he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
