I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
