Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
