i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
