i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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