just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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