I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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