Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
