Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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