I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
