how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
