Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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