wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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