last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
