I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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