when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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