He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
