So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
