She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
