She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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