ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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