I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
