we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
