it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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