a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
