cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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