I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
