I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
