i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
