I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
