so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
