everyone is single if you try hard enough
Welp...herpes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
