a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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