I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
