Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
