mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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