Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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