your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
