you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
