Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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