Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
