the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
