he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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