I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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