we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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