i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
