I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
