Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
