lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's never too late to be topless.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
