I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize