: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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