did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
