Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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