it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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