It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so let's talk penis.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
