pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize