Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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