Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize