the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I had to cum in my sink.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
