Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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