We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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