I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize