woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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