she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
