so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
