Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
