I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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