I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
