Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
