The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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