I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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